I want to thank all the fine peo

I am so fed up with self-important people and their damn cell phones and it's not just their poor driving. These people can't even push a shopping cart. They're always blocking aisles in the supermarket because they somehow think they really can do two things at once. I saw a lady holding up customers at the salad bar as she tried to make a salad while holding her phone and having a conversation of absolutely no import.

But that isn't the worst of it. The other day I saw a lady talking on her cell phone while driving a school bus! Think about that next time you send your kids off in the care of the government-run indoctrination centers.

So I'm no advertising expert and I know it's supposed to be a turkey, but under the circumstances, is this really a good idea?

I had the pleasure of meeting Milton Friedman many years ago at a Cato Institute lunch and to show the proper respect, I wore my best three-piece suit. Dr. Friedman walked into the room wearing a plaid sweater and plaid pants. He had just come from the golf course. After his talk, he said he would answer questions and some guy stood up and asked, "Dr. Friedman, what should we do about the war on drugs?" Friedman replied, "Softballs - you're throwing me softballs."

The dwindling number of people in this country who still cherish freedom and capitalism have lost a true champion.

The framers of the Constitution hated democracy and for good reason - it is nothing more than mob rule. And mobs can be manipulated through propaganda and emotion. As the Constitution was written, direct democracy was allowed in only one area: the election of Representatives. Senators were appointed by state legislatures - NOT elected by the people. This was changed by the 17th Amendment which, along with the 16th Amendment, effectively destroyed the free United States and brought about the socialist mess we have now. Both amendments were written by the same socialist pig, William Howard Taft.

The Electoral College was put in place to prevent direct democracy in the election of the President, and the states were directed to guarantee to their people "a republican form of government." If you know what "republican" means then you should be able to figure out that states (like California) that have an initiative process for voters to write their own laws, are violating the Constitution.

So why am I harping on this topic? Because once again, democracy has raised its ugly head and the people have voted with emotion and prejudice rather than logic and objectivity. There is just no way that Emmitt Smith danced better than Mario Lopez. No way.

And speaking of encrusted fecal matter, did you hear what John Kerry said yesterday? This guy isn't even running for anything and he still manages to screw up an election. It's a gift, I tell you.

Remember Laura, the left-wing activist who wanted ABC to pull the docudrama "The Path to 9/11"? I was just thinking how oddly silent she's been about that fictional movie, "Death of a President." Go figure. And this from a staff writer from Medianews: "Even if 'Death of a President' is a hit for other theaters, a spokesman for the company insisted Regal would never allow its customers to see the film. Ever."

Pretty dramatic, no? Regal also doesn't show hardcore movies which means that its customers will never be allowed to see porn. Ever!

Hi,

In a little over 48 hours, ABC is airing a five-hour docudrama on the 9/11 attacks. The movie was written and produced by a right-wing activist who fabricated key scenes to blame Democrats and defend Republicans.

It's so partisan that even Rush Limbaugh was surprised ABC decided to air it. And a FBI agent who was brought in to consult on the docudrama quit because, he said, "they were making things up."

Public outrage is mounting across the country, and ABC is now "mulling the idea of yanking the mini altogether." But we only have a little time to act. Can you help out?

http://pol.moveon.org/abcdoc/

Thanks!

So, in keeping with my love for book-burning Nazis, I sent off this cheery reply:

Did you know that 80% of vegetarians polled admitted to eating meat in the previous week? Have you ever known (or heard of) a born-again Christian who was cheating on his wife? I'm always fascinated by people who make some moral claim but then give it up the second it doesn't suit them. As an example, the left wing in this country likes to paint themselves as stalwart defenders of the First Amendment - unless of course it means letting John McCain or Condoleezza Rice speak on a college campus. But anyway, it strikes me as curious that a defender of free speech would want to pressure a network to pull a program - especially a program that she hasn't even seen. You even go so far as to say "it's so partisan..." Just how do you know? You haven't seen it!

Please send me a copy of the email you sent out asking for theaters not to show Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11 because of all the "fabricated scenes." And I'm sure you were outraged when Dan Rather used forged documents in an attempt to smear the president - please send me copies of the emails you sent out about that. And tell me about all the protests you've sent to Comedy Central for Jon Stewart's attacks on Dick Cheney and Karl Rove in the "Valerie Plame affair."

As I write this, I've watched about half of the program to which you refer. I will watch the rest tomorrow and the conclusion when it airs tomorrow night. So far, it's been a very good production and I'm impressed with the effort. Lest you think I'm too biased to pick up on any slams against Clinton, allow me to say that I am not a Republican and have never voted for a Republican. I am a Libertarian and, as such, I will stand up for ABC's right to frame this program as they see fit, just as I will stand up for the rights of Michael Moore, Jon Stewart, Air America and all the left-leaning network news outlets.

Isn't it obvious that the Clinton administration will come under more scrutiny than the Bush administration simply because Clinton was president for eight years while Bush was only president for eight months? The movie is called "The Path to 9/11" after all.

It's fine that former Clinton people are objecting to the movie but Sandy Berger should just keep his mouth shut. Don't you think his credibility was shot when he stole those documents from the National Archives? He destroys incriminating evidence and then objects when a network tries to piece things back together. Amazing.

And it's really nice that you are trying to protect me from those big bad conservatives but I already have a mother. From where I sit, you are no different from the right wing. They want to ban abortion and you guys want to ban guns - they don't like the Ninth Amendment and you guys don't like the Tenth - they want to conscript me into their wars and you want to conscript me into your fabulous new health care program - they tell me I'm going to burn in hell if I don't accept their ways and you say I'm going to burn from "global warming" if I don't adopt your socialist "remedies." You guys are Mommy and the far right is Daddy. But I'm an adult and have no need for either of you meddling in my life or attempting to protect me.

For some reason there was a golf tournament on my TV the other day while I was doing other things. As Tiger Woods was about to putt, the announcer says, "This shot is very holeable." Hope he didn't try that line on his honeymoon. Anyway, I'm tired now and, lucky for me, my butt is very chairable.

Occasionally I like a good cigar so I was interested in an article in my noosepepper about a new cigar store near me. Near the end of the article, they say the owners are "watching Proposition 86 on this November's ballot, which would increase excise taxes on tobacco products and raise more than $2 billion a year in tax revenue. Supporters say raised funds would go toward smoking prevention programs." So let me summarize: A bunch of priggish, matriarchal boobs want to steal my money and then use it to lecture me. It must be nice to be so certain of your position that it blinds you to just how boorish and immoral your behavior is. Here's an idea: LEAVE ME ALONE. Thank you.

I just saw an ad for Ensure. Their slogan is "Nutrition for a healthier you." So let's see what's in it:

Do I have to go on? Just because they add a slew of cheap vitamins doesn't make this swill nutritious.

California State Treasurer Phil Angelides is running against Arnold Schwarzenegger in the gubernatorial race. His slogan is "He's a leader - not an actor." First Phil, no one has ever accused Arnold of being an actor. But seriously, why are you criticizing him for what he used to do? The man has been in office for THREE YEARS! Criticize something he's done as governor although I realize it may be difficult for you to be critical of a fellow Democrat. Jeez, just today Arnold agreed to raise the minimum wage. Here's more pandering to the unions while telling low wage workers they are too stupid to negotiate their own salary.

The House of Representatives just voted to "protect" the Pledge of Allegiance from federal judges who might object to the phrase "under God." How nice. We certainly wouldn't want the judicial branch questioning the legislative branch, now would we? Back in 1954 the Congress decided to violate the Constitution by adding the religious statement to the Pledge of Allegiance, and now they want to make sure that no other branch of government can correct their arrogance.

If Congress really thinks it can pass a law dismissing the constitutional system of checks and balances then we have a lot bigger problems than anyone realizes.

Uncle Gavin is back with more Frisco Follies. Now it's universal health care for all the citizens of San Francisco! And just who is going to pay the estimated $200 million dollars a year for this fiasco? Why local businesses of course. Newsom defended the proposal as a "creative solution." Isn't it just so easy to creatively solve problems when you can force someone else to pay the bills?

I found this on the United Nations website: "Wherever arms flow, violence follows" - United Nations Messenger of Peace, Award-winning Actor and Producer, Michael Douglas.

In difficult times, it's always important to get guidance from actors - clearly the smartest humans on the planet. Of course, Mr. Douglas must be correct:

Jews (§5 of the First Regulations of the German Citizenship Law of 14 November 1935, Reichsgesetzblatt I, p. 1333) are prohibited from acquiring, possessing, and carrying firearms and ammunition, as well as truncheons or stabbing weapons. Those now possessing weapons and ammunition are at once to turn them over to the local police authority.

I think it's time to come up with an exit strategy so we can get our troops out of harm's way in New Orleans.

Can you imagine the left-wing cries of conspiracy if Al-Zarqawi had been killed the day before the primary election rather than the day after?

I've been seeing a lot of commercials for some loser who wants to be California State Controller. He promises to be a "Controller on our side." Does that mean anything to you? Me neither. But then the ad graphic says, "He will make the big corporations PAY." Oooh, the way he capitalized the word "PAY" just makes my nipples hard. But corporations aren't going to pay jack. If you raise taxes on corporations then they'll raise their prices to cover their higher costs. In other words, YOU WILL PAY. (Three words in caps - check your nipples)

In other words, he's running on a platform of raising your cost of living. Maybe he just believes the voters of California are stupid. Sadly, maybe he's right.

So I guess all the crimes have been solved and terrorism is no longer a threat in this country. It must be true cuz the FBI has a zillion agents tearing down somebody's barn so they can find the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa. Well, they really don't care about Hoffa, they just want to get the sandwich he had in his pocket.

It's getting so hard to be optimistic. I was flipping through the channels and came upon the quiz show, Who Wants to be a Millionaire. As I found out later, it was College Week so all of the contestants were college students. I tune in just in time to see the question: Which of these internet abbreviations has more syllables than the term it abbreviates?

The young lady contestant says, "HTML." (Wait - it gets worse) Meredith says "Oh, I'm sorry. It isn't HTML, it's WWW. Here's your check for $1,000 and good luck with the teaching."

Ted Kennedy was just on The Daily Show (so you know the questions were hard-hitting) and here's what the fat tub of goo said: Democrats "ended the war in Viet Nam." Did I miss something? The Democrats started the quagmire in Viet Nam (LBJ) and the war was ended by Richard Nixon, a Republican. But what can we expect from a weasel who let a woman drown to protect his political career?

A study just found that praying for other people to recover from an illness is ineffective. Well, duh. Read what my good friend Madison Smith wrote in 1990 about a similar experiment:

It was called "Positive Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer in a Coronary Care Unit Population" and it was published in the Southern Medical Journal. This experiment was conducted by a Doctor (who was also a fundamentalist Christian) in an attempt to demonstrate scientifically that prayer could exert a positive effect on a select group of heart patients.

393 heart patients were placed into one of two groups. The members of the select group would each be prayed for by a born-again Christian while the members of the control group received no such "benefit." To prevent the placebo effect, no one in either group was told which group they were in. At the end of the study, the select group reportedly did better than the control group. (In spite of what was reported, no one in the select group did better than could be expected by chance, and some patients in the select group did worse than those in the control group. )

Does this prove that intercessory prayer can help someone's healing? The Christians had better hope that it doesn't because the loonies who designed this laughable experiment managed to ignore a real big problem: the groups were not separated by religious belief or lifestyle. In other words, we would expect to see an equal number of born-agains, atheists, Catholics, Satanists, etc. in each group.

Think about this for a second. You believe in God, go to church every Sunday, lead an exemplary life and then, just because you randomly get selected into the wrong group in an experiment, God allows your health to deteriorate. And that ax-murdering child molester who was randomly put into the select group gets favorable treatment from God because some lady is sitting at home praying for him.

CBS is being run by wimps. These losers are suing Howard Stern for no discernible reason when they should have filed suit against the FCC. Where in the Constitution does any government agency have the right or authority to levy a fine without a trial? Not only did the FCC fine CBS for the Janet Jackson debacle, then they reviewed the case and upheld their own decision! The milksops at CBS rolled over like a drunken puppy and the result is that the now emboldened FCC is proposing a fine of almost $4 million for some show they didn't like! This isn't going to get any better for free speech. It's time for Les Moonves to grow a pair.

Did you know that Ruth Bader Ginsburg fell asleep on the bench while hearing a case last week? I didn't think so because the media didn't give it much coverage. Think they would have treated it differently if it had been Thomas or Scalia?

Am I in need of psychotherapy? Can I not seem to get over my insecurities? Do I have a strange phobia? Do I have some "weird latent childhood peer-pressure thing" going on in my life? Am I under a spell? Am I screwed up in the head?

These are just a few of the insults directed at me by my newspaper! And just why is my newspaper insulting me? Because I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain." As a matter of fact, the paper runs so many articles about the movie, maybe those questions should be directed at the editors. Why are they so obsessed with this film? Why do they keep referring to it as a "phenomenon" when it's just done average at the box office? Maybe they're under a spell.

So let me tell you why I haven't seen it. Because I am sick and tired of films with an agenda. I'm tired of being hit over the head with some message that some degenerate director thinks I should be exposed to. And I'm tired of forking over money to see these so-called "great" movies that turn out to be unmitigated garbage. (The movie "Sideways" immediately comes to mind.)

So am I a homophobe? Don't think so. I support gay marriage but I just prefer to not have the gay agenda shoved down my throat (so to speak). Or the Christian agenda or ANY agenda. Am I a prude? Gee, the best movie I saw last year was "The Aristocrats," so I doubt it. Am I a masochist? Maybe. But it will end next month when my subscription to the SF Chronicle will lapse. Their circulation is reportedly down 16% in the past year. Maybe they should stop insulting their readers.

There's an ad running now for some dental service where the guy says, "The problem with tooth loss is that it happens very gradually." Maybe they think it would be a lot better if one morning you just woke up and your teeth were scattered on the pillow staring you in the face.

Now everybody is accusing the oil companies of gouging. Oooh, they made record profits. Good for them. I want them to be fiscally sound. First, they have a lot of exploration and research to do and that costs money. Second, their stock is held by millions of ordinary Americans who are sharing in the wealth. Third, I really like gasoline. It's not like my truck and boat run on maggots.

Wow! Five minutes into the new season of 24 and they kill off President Palmer. We can only hope that the producers of Commander In Chief were taking notes.

There's a story in today's Chronicle about a study that praises San Francisco's restaurant minimum wage law - the very law I criticized here quite some time ago. So was I wrong? Well, the study was done by the "Institute of Industrial Relations" at Cal Berkeley. In other words, it's a Marxist craphouse disguising itself as a think tank. A spokesman said, "We found that the San Francisco minimum wage policy has proved to be a very effective means of raising wages without adverse effects on employment, business or the city's economy."

The story is now continued from the front page to the back page where we find out that maybe things aren't as rosy as the Commies want us to believe. "Ninety-eight percent of restaurants raised prices...89 percent raised prices significantly." "Fifty-four percent of restaurants reduced the number of employees. Ninety-one percent reported lower profits." "...we've seen people who have closed their original restaurants and reopened outside San Francisco just based on the cost of doing business here."

Only a bed-wetting, self-absorbed Marxist puke could look at people losing their jobs and restaurants closing and declare there were no adverse effects.

So I bought some raw organic cocoa nibs (you don't want to know) and here's what it says on the back of the package:

Now it's being reported that President Bush authorized the wiretapping of U.S. citizens. Shocking! It may be a little late for this pseudo-disquietude, however. Remember Project Echelon that listens in on all U.S. phone conversations? Remember Project Carnivore that reads your e-mail? But what's even more shocking about this recent revelation is that this report came out just a couple of days before the vote on the Patriot Act.

Anyway, I sure hope the goons from the NSA are checking out this website - I need the traffic.