So Al and Tipper have two new books out.  You can pick them up in the bargain bin for a buck each.  I didn't actually read the books so if you'd like a review, pick up a dictionary and look up "insipid."  And just how many trees did Mr. Earth-in-the-Balance have to kill to print these little gems?

The media loves anniversaries.  So I wonder why they didn't seem to cover the 20-year landmark of Kennesaw, Georgia.  Remember the town that passed a law in 1982 requiring all qualified citizens to have at least one gun?  Their crime rate went down 89% and has stayed there for 20 years.  They have the lowest crime rate in the country among similar-sized cities.  It's easy to see the bias in a news story.  It's a little tougher to see the bias in a story that doesn't get reported.

So out here in the Goofball State, PETA is up to its usual lunacy.  They're going to court to stop the "happy cows" cheese commercials.  See, here in California, our cheese is better because our cows are happy.  Did I mention they also talk?  No matter - this is a serious issue to PETA because they think the cows aren't really happy.  Look, our cows may not be as cheerful as the ones at Laughing Cow, but they're certainly happier than those Borden's cows that are merely contented.

This just in:  Ford is recalling all of its Mercury's to have the tuna removed.  Jeez, I love recycling jokes from the 60's.

There's trouble brewing for the Augusta National Golf Club.  Should they admit women?  I don't know and I don't care.  What they do is their business and their First Amendment right.  But women's groups are talking about protesting the Masters tournament in April and one of the ideas they're kicking around is for the picketers to wear Afghan-style burqas.  Great idea, gals.  Trivialize the plight of truly oppressed women because YOU can't play golf at a ritzy private club.  If you'd quit your shrill whining you'd hear the unmistakable sound of the feminist movement becoming totally irrelevant. 

Here's another typical media trick that's been going on for years.  Check out this story:

FDA approves drug to grow new bones

WASHINGTON - The first drug designed to stimulate the growth of new bone won Food and Drug Administration approval Tuesday for treatment of osteoporosis, the brittle-bone disease that affects 10 million Americans.

The new drug, known as teriparatide, works by increasing the action of osteoblasts, the body's bone-building cells.  This causes bones to become denser and more resistant to fractures, officials said.  FDA officials said the drug, given by injection daily, will carry a special warning because in laboratory tests teriparatide caused cancerous bone tumors in rats.  The tumors, however, have not been seen in 2,000 people who tested the drug in clinical trials, officials said.

That's the complete story from my newspaper.  Notice how the company that made the discovery and did all the research and testing isn't even mentioned while the FDA is prominently given the credit.  The media is so intent on bashing the evil drug companies, how could they possibly admit that they might actually have a role in creating new cures for diseases.  No, the credit should go to the bureaucrats who kept the drug off the market (probably for years) and charged the drug company close to a billion dollars just so they could review the company's testing.

By the way, the drug company is Eli Lilly.

The news media is at it again.  Which one doesn't belong?  

1. Oil could reach $70 a barrel.  

2.  An oil field has an expected yield of 400 million barrels.  

3.  An oil tanker just sank spilling 20 million gallons.  

If you picked number 3 then you win a Brizzy.  Crude oil is always measured in barrels - until it spills.  Then some social-minded editor at some unnamed news agency takes the published capacity of the tanker (in barrels) and converts it to gallons so the numbers look bigger.  Why not 96 million pints?

Some illiterate no-lobes have decided we didn't go to the moon and have put their "evidence" on the web.  I guess the brilliance of the internet is that every moron with a two-digit IQ and a modem can proudly show off his public education.  With their cross-hairs, shadows, craters and plumes, these freaks look at anomalies on another world and figure things should look the same as they do on Earth.  Look dweebs, the American people didn't figure out it was a hoax - the Russians didn't figure out it was a hoax - No, YOU figured it out.  You're a genius and everyone else is a dork.  There are a lot of conspiracy theories worth pursuing.  Try the Kennedy assassination, the Murrah building or TWA 800.  But trust me on this one, we went to the moon.

Voters in the Socialist Democracy of California have voted a gazillion dollars to bolster up their aging rapid transit system (BART).  Passenger trains cost a fortune to build, always run at a loss and will continue to suck the money out of taxpayers' wallets forever.  The passenger train is dead because the airplane and the automobile have been invented.  Passenger trains are so inefficient by comparison, their operation must be constantly subsidized (usually by the more efficient automobile).  This explains why gasoline is $6 a gallon in Europe.  Remember that when someone tells you how wonderful the European rail system is.

 Now these socialist idiots are proposing a "high-speed" rail system between S.F. and L.A.  So why are socialists so enamored of trains?  I think they don't like the trains nearly as much as they like the tracks.  The tracks allow them to control where people go.  This helps to explain why they hate cars and REALLY hate off-road SUVs.

So I understand that Florida just passed a law protecting the rights of pregnant pigs.  That's good news for my ex-wife.

Civil libertarians are also proposing that chimpanzees should have rights.  And why not?  They let them vote in West Virginia.  And it's just what we need - monkeys with Glocks.

A couple of months ago I heard that cheating in schools was at an all time high and just yesterday I read that syphilis is on the rise.  And Bill Clinton was worried about his legacy...

I was just listening to another right-wing religious goon handing us the same old "this is a Christian nation" garbage.  Look, the first commandment says, "Thou shall have no other gods but me."  But the first amendment to the Constitution says just the opposite.  It says you're free to believe in ANY god you want.  You're free to believe in TWENTY gods if you want.  Or you're free to totally REJECT the notion of god if you want.  Looks to me like the framers ignored the narrow beliefs of Christianity and embraced freedom instead.  

Wow, did you watch the Paul Wellstone "memorial"?  What a political circus.  Wellstone's own son was screaming, "We will win - we will win."  At his father's memorial!  Jesse Ventura actually walked out in disgust.  Liberal politicians like Paul Wellstone are possessed with a criminal mind.  They have no problem taking your money by force because they think that while maybe you were smart enough to earn it, you're just too plain stupid to spend it wisely.  And now Wellstone's son has shown he has a similar lack of class and respect.  I guess the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Note to liberal freaks:  You're really in trouble when the person with the most intelligence, class and dignity in your ranks is an ex-wrestler.

What is wrong with the folks at Toyota?  They have a division called Toyota Racing Development and they put "TRD" in big letters on the sides of their trucks.  Is that normal?  What if Subaru had a division named Subaru High-performance Team?  All their trucks could say "SHT."  Or the Ford Racing Team could be "FRT."

So now the media pundits are concerned that deploying military spy planes to help find the beltway sniper is a violation of the Posse Comitatus Act.  Did anyone from the mainstream media even mention the PCA when Clinton and Reno used Army tanks and personnel to annihilate 80 citizens at Waco?  Did anyone object at all?  Anyone?  Buehler?

I heard today that some people are calling for creating a database of the ballistics characteristics of every weapon in the country.  That's a swell idea if you're an idiot.  It only takes about 200 rounds to completely change the characteristics of a barrel.  These rubes know this - they'll just jump on any chance to register guns.

So now it turns out that the FDA didn't reject Erbitux (the Martha Stewart case) because there was a problem with the drug but because they didn't like the way Imclone performed the tests.  So now hundreds or perhaps thousands of people will die because the bureaucracy hasn't been satisfied.  The required FDA certification now adds about 800 million to a billion dollars to the cost of a new drug while the government freaks who support this nonsense try to get you all whipped up over how expensive prescription drugs are.  "Why, the same drug for my dog costs five times less."  Thank you Mr. Gore.  If we abolished the FDA then drug costs would plummet - but then we wouldn't need the government to help us out with their new prescription drug plan.

The soy industry is pushing a whole slew of soy-based "phyto-estrogen" products to post-menopausal women.  Apparently the estrogen-like compounds in soy are beneficial to these women.  But the industry is also pushing soy-based formulas to babies while claiming that these phyto-estrogens have no effect on children.  Defies logic, don't it?   So don't be surprised when your little darling starts menstruating at seven.  Even if it's a boy.

Most nights I take the dog out to a large parking lot so we can play with the tennis ball.  But every time, after just a few minutes of running, jumping and playing, he drops the ball because he wants to go for a walk.  As I'm putting the leash on him he excitedly jumps up and down.  

In a related story, according to recent polls, 50% of the American public think the government should require citizens to carry a national "smart" I.D. card, 72% think we should register guns and 28% think the First Amendment "goes too far" in protecting rights.  The only possible conclusion is that a huge number of American citizens are as dumb as my dog.

Today it was reported that there were shootings in Washington D.C. and New York City.  These stories can't possibly be true because guns aren't legal in those two cities.

Senior citizens are whining again, "Don't touch our Social Security."  It never seems to dawn on this "Greatest Generation" that they fought a war against the National Socialists (Nazis).  In other words, they are becoming what they despised most.

See, this is what I've been talking about.  Robert Torricelli is giving a speech right this second and he just said that abortion is a fundamental constitutional right and then went on to say that we need gun control so people "can be safe in their homes."  So when it's extrapolated from the Ninth Amendment, it's fundamental but when it's explicitly written in plain English in the Second Amendment it doesn't exist.  Goodbye Mr. Torricelli.  

One more thing:  The Nazis instituted gun control.  Do you think it made the Jews "safe in their homes"?

So that self-loathing moron Michael Moore has a new movie coming out called Bowling for Columbine.  I haven't seen the movie - just the trailer - but it's obvious that it's another dishonest attack piece (remember Roger & Me?) - this time on people who own guns.  Moore always makes a point of attacking those people who have values and those who create wealth for others.  In time, history will paint this pathetic loser as the Leni Riefenstahl of the United States.

As if I needed another reason to hate that bastard, FDR:  The DMV is unable to issue my new driver license because some simian data-entry clerk at the Social Security Administration mistyped my birthdate and now the DMV computer doesn't match the SSA computer.  So I have to make an appearance at the SSA where I'm greeted by an armed guard demanding that I empty my pockets to show I'm not carrying any weapons.  Then, while I'm waiting in line (for over an hour!) the guard leaves the room for about twenty minutes.  At this point, every scrofulous loser and wannabe terrorist is free to enter the building and hold us all hostage because, of course, we're all unarmed.  But not to worry - when he came back from break, the guard searched all the people who had come in while he was gone.

When I finally get to talk to the clerk (yes, there was only one) I hand her my birth certificate and she says this simple correction will take A WEEK because they have to request a copy of my birth certificate from the county where I was born.  I say, "But you have my birth certificate right here."  Well, turns out it's a new rule - they have to photocopy my birth certificate, request the duplicate from the county and then compare the two.  Then, in a week, they'll mail the copy of my birth certificate to me because "We have no use for your birth certificate."  Tell me again who won the cold war.

So it's a given that when guys drive by some cows in a pasture, they lower the window and "moo" at the cows.  So it should be equally acceptable, when passing by a duck, to quack "Aflac."  Right?  No, really - it's okay, isn't it?

 If I hear one more politician, media loser or socialist idiot refer to the United States as a "democracy," I'll scream.  This country was founded as a Constitutional Republic.  That means that we elect people to represent us and they have to abide by the Constitution.  Democracy is two wolves and a lamb deciding what to eat for lunch.

It's been well over a year since Chandra Levy was murdered and for some reason, that talk-to-the-dead freak John Edward hasn't contacted her so she could tell us who murdered her.  I wonder why.

So a couple of reporters from the New York Daily News got box cutters, razor knives and pepper spray through airport security.  Six airlines, eleven airports and fourteen flights.  But even though these weapons were present, not one plane was hijacked.  Get it?  It's never the inanimate object, it's the intent of the person possessing it.

It's clear the reason the reporters did this is because they don't think the government is doing a good enough job harassing innocent citizens who are going about their business.   Three points:  

1.  The reporters obviously believe that THEY can be trusted carrying weapons on an airplane.

2.  The reporters obviously believe that YOU trust THEM to carry weapons on an airplane.

3.  The reporters obviously believe that YOU can't be trusted to carry weapons on an airplane.

Throw these arrogant hypocrites in prison.

CBS wants to do a reality version of the Beverly Hillbillies.  Didn't we live through that for eight years?

Maybe I'm watching too much television but I just saw a kidney transplant doctor who proclaimed that we shouldn't allow the sale of organs because then "only rich people will get them."  Lookie here doc, if people are allowed to sell organs for a profit, then there will be more organs available for transplant thus saving more lives.  Meddling in the free market ALWAYS causes shortages.

I was just watching the end of a major criminal trial that resulted in a verdict of guilty.  A "judicial analyst" said that in the penalty phase, the jury should mete out the maximum sentence to "send a message" to other criminals who might try a similar crime.  Let's get this straight:  the purpose of the justice system is to serve justice - not to send messages.  When judge Kimba Wood sentenced Michael Milken she said, "Mr. Milken, I'm giving you the maximum sentence allowable because I want to send a message to others in the financial community."  Can you imagine being punished more harshly because the judge wants to send a message to someone you don't know?  Judge William Griesa ordered Leona Helmsly to begin her tax-evasion sentence on April 15.  Wonder who he was sending a message to.

There sure is a lot of talk about attacking Saddam Hussein.  Let's see, we have a guy who has attacked other countries without provocation and murdered his own citizens (including women and children) using his elite military force and poison gas.  But enough about Bill Clinton...

Why is everyone dumping on Martha Stewart?  I don't even blame Sam Waksal.  The REAL culprits here are the people who not only passed along inside information, they MANUFACTURED it.  Blame the FDA.  If they had inside information that would affect the price of Imclone stock, then they should have announced it publicly, no?

 If the World Trade Center attack is not considered to be an act of war, what will this do to New York’s murder rate?

 How much money could The Home Depot have saved in signage costs if they had thought ahead and realized that nobody was ever going to say “The Home Depot”?

 Why would any woman want the government to provide health care?  Imagine a few years down the road to a time when a religious fanatic (like Gary Bauer) gets elected and gives the order: “Get me a database listing of every woman who’s had an abortion.”

   Waiting periods.  Mandatory testing.  Government registration.  Outright bans.  These things are horribly evil or the greatest thing in the world depending on what the topic is.  You pro-abortion freaks and you pro-gun freaks: knock off the hypocrisy.  Don’t tell me it’s okay for them but not for you.  Can’t we all just get along?

 Several years ago, I noticed a subtle but ominous (I think) change in our police departments.  Everyone started referring to them as “law enforcement.”  They’re no longer policing the community – their job is to enforce the law.  Or in other words, they just follow orders.

  Liberty and tyranny are on a teeter-totter.  We started our ride away from liberty in 1913 with the advent of the income tax and the direct election of Senators (thanks Taft, you drooling, socialist idiot).  We started our downward ride toward tyranny a few years back when “ Washington ” became synonymous with D.C. rather than the state.

 I’ve been watching celebrities like David Hyde-Pierce and Julia Roberts testify before Congress to get funding for their pet diseases.  I guess these lazy, multi-multi-millionaires think they’re helping, but in effect, they’re saying “I have an important cause – send some government agents over to the house of Mr. Middle Class and steal his money to pay for it.”  It never dawns on these self-centered “stars” that they aren’t helping by stealing YOUR money.  Maybe, just maybe, you have some cause YOU wanted to finance with the money YOU EARNED.  Want to see how it should be done?  Just look at a true humanitarian like Jerry Lewis.  He ASKS people to give money – he doesn’t encourage the government to steal it.

 A lot of people fear John Ashcroft and are afraid he’s creating a police state.  Trust me, the first act of a tyrant is gun control – never the assertion that the people have the right to keep and bear arms.  We were far closer to a police state under Clinton/Reno.  There was an administration whose official policy was against the private ownership of guns while one of their first acts was to attack U.S. citizens with the military.  Hitler would have been proud.

 Calling all media cheesewipes.  You may refer to September 11 as “ nine eleven .”  You may not refer to it as “nine one one.”  If you don’t know the difference then you shouldn’t be spouting your opinions on television.

 One more thing:  stop expressing surprise when some heinous criminal pleads not guilty to a murder charge.  No matter how guilty you think they are and how much evidence there is against them, the law does not allow anyone to plead guilty in a capital case.

 Isn’t it nice that the Catholic Church is considering a “zero-tolerance” policy toward child molestation?  These guys are moving right up into the 15^th century.  These losers run around poking their noses into all sorts of “moral” issues like abortion, birth control, genetic engineering and cloning.  They paint themselves as the gatekeepers of morality.  Shouldn’t the number of pedophiles in the clergy be zero?  Why does ANYONE give any credibility to these people?

 In a related story, the word is pee – doh – file.  Not peh – doh – file.  Ped with a long "e," means “child.”   Ped with a short "e" means “foot.”  Hence, a children’s doctor is called a pediatrician – but if she’s walking down the street, she’s a pedestrian.  Don’t make me have to tell you this again.

 In the 1950’s, religious freaks had the phrase “under god” added to the Pledge of Allegiance.  As a result, there are now zillions of lawsuits against public schools citing separation of church and state.  And so many schools have stopped doing the pledge entirely.  Them freaks is geniuses.  (note: This was written prior to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals' recent correct decision)

 Ever wonder why there are so many vehicles being hit by trains in the past few years?  Blame noise abatement.  Trains are no longer allowed to blow their horns as they approach intersections.  Wonder what a 300-ton train hitting a logging truck sounds like.  

Is there a better metaphor for Socialism than the Concorde?  It looks nice on the outside but it's tiny and cramped inside.  It hemorrhages jet fuel and cash every time it cycles.  The plane was built on the backs of the working people of Britain and France - of course, at $10,000 a ticket, those people can't afford to fly on it.  In other words, the middle class paid for the toys of the rich.

At about the same time, private enterprise (capitalism) built the 747 - simply the most efficient aircraft of its time.  The 47 lowered the cost of airfare so almost anyone of any economic class could afford to travel.  The only airlines to buy the Concorde were the government-subsidized British Airways and the government-subsidized Air France.  EVERY airline in the free world bought the 47 (except Aeroflot).